Red Cliff 2

What better way to usher into the New Year than having a bloody and violent Chinese history lesson at the movies right? And we can all thank John Woo for saving the CNY movie genre with this 2nd part of Red Cliff.

After feeling slightly cheated by the trailer for the 1st movie, we are finally treated to some awesome battle scenes in the 2nd. But not before another hour of intense build up & strategizing.

Do I have to remind you to wear your helmet every single day?

Well, things are never that easy with the Chinese. Even war acquire a deeper, more philosophical meaning.

Listen as Zhou Yu (Tony Leung) & Zhuge Liang (Takeshi) spout out fortune cookie quotes, Sun Tzu's teachings and Confucius sayings at every opportunity.

Also, this being a John Woo film, expect to see some trademark stuff from the director like...

His fetish for white doves

The bird look tasty roasted or deep fried

The theme of brotherhood. Hmm...is it me or is the relationship between Zhou Yu & Zhuge Liang really pushing the boundaries of 'brotherhood'?

Sometimes brotherhood takes a
bad seat when you need a smoke

And Chow Yun Fat leaping out sideways with two guns blazing. Nah, that was just wishful thinking on my part.

Sliding down the rails & toothpick is optional

Apparently, the Chinese also invented many of the methods employed in modern warfare.

Biological warfare, grenades, sophisticated crossbows and kamikaze attacks were all used in the battle thousand of years ago.

Heck, we even saw the soldiers play an ancient form of football (called Cuju) with skills that would make a Brazilian proud.

Ahh...another testament to the greatness of Chinese civilization. This will definitely make your skin glow a brighter shade of yellow. Just perfect for the New Year.

Double Doses of Donnie

The Americans have SuperMan

The Japanese have UltraMan
The Chinese have Ip Man

My heart has been filled with heavy anticipation ever since the released of the impressive trailer for the movie, Ip Man. After watching the movie last week, I can safely say that the movie surpassed my every expectations.

It was so good, I watched it TWICE! Yeah, I know I am such a sucker for Donnie.

The movie was set in Foshan (Wong Fei Hung's kampung) during the 1930s. During the time, Foshan was thriving under the economic boom & the affluent residents took up martial arts as a hobby.

The bustling town centre even has its own Martial Arts Street where countless martial arts school are situated in close proximity to one another. Each specialising in a different sect of kung fu.

Little known fact #1 : Ip Man can kill 2 stones with 1 bird

Ip Man (Donnie Yen) though isn't the master of any of them. Rather he is an aristocrat who lives in a Western style bungalow, and did not seem to need to work for a living.

He spends all his time practicing Wing Chun much to the chagrin of his wife.

Little known fact #2 : Ip Man can sneeze with his eyes open
& lick his own elbow

Now, when it comes to acting I didn't expect much from Donnie. But as Ip Man, he is unbelievably restrained & subtle, even funny. This just proves that miracles do happen during the festive season.

In the 1st half of the movie, we saw Ip Man taking on opponents in a mostly friendly manner. Carefully making sure to get his wife's approval through eye contact beforehand.

Then, the Sino-Japanese war broke out. The once bustling city was devastated. Food were scarce under the harsh Japanese rule. The Chinese are fragmented in spirit & martial arts became the unifying force. Sounds familiar huh?

Little known fact #3 :When Ip Man smokes, the cigarette gets cancer

The storyline may be generic but the usually cardboard villains get a more sympathetic treatment here.

The story is quite engaging but we all came to see some serious butt kicking. And it doesn't take long for that to happen on screen.

The fights are the best I have seen for a very long time. Absolutely jaw dropping stuff.

Little known fact #4 :Ip Man is so fast, he can run around the world
& punch himself in the back of the head

The Wing Chun style is authentic, distinctive & a joy to watch on screen. Those machine gun like punches still amazed me even on repeated viewings.

The fights can be brutal & bloody. But the amazing choreography from Sammo Hung makes it all look like poetry in motion. Those evil Japanese deserves them anyway.

Little known fact #5 : During WW2, the leading causes of

death of Japanese are....1. Heart disease, 2. Ip Man, 3.Cancer

Against Ip Man, the Japanese karate exponents doesn't even stand a chance. During 1 particular scene, he took on 10 of them & leave a pile of bodies behind (a nice homage to Bruce Lee's similar scene in Fist of Fury)

Ip Man is like a one man army. How the Chinese lost the war against the Japanese is beyond me.

Donnie faints after hearing that Tony Leung is going to play Ip Man.

Well, this is not the only biopic on the Grandmaster. Wong Kar Wai is said to be making a movie about Ip Man with Tony Leung playing the title character. This must be some kind of joke. C'mon Tony? The last thing I wanted to see is Ip Man butt naked!

Anyway, a sequel this time with Donnie Yen reprising the role is currently in the works as well. I am excited already.

As you have probably noticed, I am struggling to fit in more hyperboles to describe the film. So, if you are just going to watch 2 movies before the year ends, watch Ip Man TWICE!

James Bond Never Dies

I have never been a fan of Bond, James Bond. But the last movie, Bond Episode 21 : Casino Royale was good. It was a much darker & grittier movie than expected. Which makes me look forward to watching Bond Episode 22 : Quantum of Solace (see how I make the titles less confusing this way haha)

Continuing from the previous installment, they decided to make this new one even DARKER & GRITTIER with almost zero humour! Now, this makes the Bond purists very unhappy. They want their Pierce Brosnan back!

I am through with you Bond, I am moving to Wisteria Lane!

I am glad they didn't listen though. When your Bond girl turns into a Desperate Housewife & chooses a plumber over you, you know that it's time for a makeover.

A visibly happier Teri Hatcher

Of course, Bond movies being Bond movies, you MUST have these :


Opening Credits

Bond holding a pistol. Check. Bond firing a gun. Check. Bond falling into water. Check. Silhouettes of nude gals. Check. Theme song sung by famous people. Check

I think they get the traditional Bond opening sequence spot on. And I will give them extra credit for managing to put it all off without reminding me of any Stephen Chow spoofs.




Gadgets

This new Bond isn't much of a geek, the only gadget he possessed was a Sony Ericsson hand phone. He very much prefer using his kung fu fighting skills to get out of tricky situations, most of the time he ended up killing his opponent much to the chagrin of M.

As for cars, we get a glimpse of the Aston Martin DBS which was mercilessly destroyed (again) very early on in the film. For a list of all cars featured in the film go here




And Q is still nowhere to be seen...


The Bond Girls

We have got Gemma Arterton & Olga Kurylenko as eye candy this time around. Though Olga is tougher than your average Bond girl, kicking ass together with him just like an Ukrainian Michelle Yeoh.

I love man with big guns : Agent 47, Max Payne now Bond

Bond only beds Artenton in the movie. And thanks to our thoughtful censorship board we have to rely on our power of imagination to guess what happen.

Well, it's only a small price to pay to ensure we do not let dirty Western culture pollute our innocent minds.


Villain

In keeping up with the times, the villain in this episode is a *gasp* freaking ENVIRONMENTALIST who is hell bent on taking over the world....one natural resource at a time!

I will not hesitate in adding melamine in your milk

All his konco-konco drove environmentally friendly hybrid cars. I wouldn't be surprised if he separates his trash or brings his own reusable chopsticks when dining out.

Hardly menacing at all. I bet Bond isn't losing any sleep over this guy.

He didn't even look the part of a Bond villain. What no scars on the face, bullet lodged inside the head or shedding tears of blood?

This is what Bond villains should look like...

For greater results, add mini sidekick

Humour

This movie is dead serious from beginning till end as James Bond was in an unforgiving mood. I miss the humour and witty lines from the British spy.

We don't even get to hear him say 'Bond....James Bond'

All in all, Quantum of Solace is never near as good as Casino Royale. Let's hope they got the next movie right.

If not, then we should really bring back Pierce Brosnan for James Bond : The Musical.

That will really make the purist jump off buildings

Donnie Yen Kicks Ass

Good kung fu movies are hard to come by these days.

Jet Li had stop making them, Jackie Chan isn't exactly in his prime anymore while Sammo Hung is contented with working behind the scenes. Things are certainly not looking good for kung fu cinema.

Thank God we still have Donnie Yen!

Okay, forget about Painted Skin where he was used to provide comic relief rather than kicking ass & cracking heads. While you are at it, erase your memories of Dragon Tiger Gate too which felt like a super long shampoo & Nokia commercial.




Donnie Yen returns to form in his new movie, Ip Man. Ip Man is famously known as Bruce Lee's sifu & a master of Wing Chun.




The trailer is out & looks darn impressive. This is what Donnie Yen does best....kicking ass & cracking heads. Watch out for scene where he fired rapid punches like a machine to the chest of his opponent. Poor guy

Watching it makes me want to download the movie as soon as it was available watch it in the cinema come December 18th

Batman Vs Joker

The Dark Knight may be the most anticipated film so far this year, with so much hype surrounding even before its released. Personally, my expectations are high after watching the impressive trailer and I am glad it manages to live up to it. This is one heck of a movie.


This might be a superhero movie but the star is very much the villain of the film...the Joker played by the late Heath Ledger. This guy is a psycho. He enjoys killing people, blowing things up, creating chaos & the most disturbing part is he is not doing it for money. He just simply enjoys it.


And he never leaves home without make up. Even under heavy make up, that guy is fugly! I do not know about you but I think he is still erm, somewhat attractive...in a wicked kind of way.

Serious! Try looking closely.


Yet for all his brutality, you must admired him for being such a brilliant mastermind. An evil genius. He did everything with such glee & his lines are so funny, you can't help but to laugh along. I really can't get enough of him.


There is already talk of him getting an Oscar nomination for this. That surely will be a fitting tribute to Heath Ledger. So tell me, which number do I sms to vote for him?


Oh, I almost forgot about Batman. He is of course back to fight crime in Gotham & even Hong Kong too. But he has got more problems to deal with this time around with the Joker really messing up his mind.


Joker is not the only villain in the film though. We got a glimpse of who Batman will be facing in the future but I am not going to spoil it here. Just a hint, he loves flipping coins ^~^


One more thing, with the oil price reaching USD 130 per barrel, even Batman is forced to change his lifestyle. He now rides a bike to work.

Kung Fu Panda

Do not be fool by the cute cartoon characters from the posters, Kung Fu Panda is actually one heck of a martial arts movie! Yes, the guys at Dreamworks managed to turn a cartoon into an authentic kung fu movie. One that pays tribute to past kung fu movies & spoofs them at the same time.

The movie itself is full of cliches & follows the old school storyline seen from countless past kung fu movies.

First of course, we need to have an unlikely hero - which happens to be a clumsy panda named Po in the movie. An obese noodle shop helper passionate about kung fu.


Then, there will be the old & wise master to guide our hero to ass kicking greatness. Master Shifu is the one with the unenviable task here. He may be small in size but big in power, much like an ancient Chinese version of Yoda.


There is also an even older & wiser master called Master Oogway. He is the philosophical one who speaks in Zen-like one liners, you know stuff like 'there are no accidents' & 'yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift that's why it is called present'.

Master Oogway mumbling something to Master Shifu

And both lived in a temple high up the mountain with a long flight of stairs. All great kung fu masters lived in monasteries up in the clouds. It's compulsory!


In order to become a true kung fu master, our hero Po had to undergo all kinds of torturous training ala Jackie Chan.



Okay what other cliche can they fit into the movie next? Oh...of course you need to have the manual that suppose to contain the ultimate kung fu moves! The manual meant for the 'Special One' (No, not Mourinho!)

Po with the Dragon Scroll striking a Wong Fei Hung pose & screaming like Bruce Lee

Also, you can't have a kung fu movie without a super bad villain for a final showdown with our hero. The villain is Tai Lung who happens to be a former student of Master Shifu himself. Sounds familiar doesn't it?


Finally, it's time for the final showdown between the forces of cute & evil. No guessing who wins here haha It's after all a kiddie movie & there are some moral values thrown in for good measure. But it's also one that manage to appeal to the kung fu geek in us too.

So, like all great kung fu movies such as Drunken Master, Fong Sai Yuk, Once Upon A Time In China etc, this one seriously need a sequel. I can hardly wait.....^~^

Jet Li vs Jackie Chan

Many of us grew up with a steady diet of kungfu flicks, watching Jackie Chan & Jet Li kicking butts to save the world. And after all these years, we can finally see both of them square off in Forbidden Kingdom!! Jet Li vs Jackie Chan - the stuff of every kungfu boy's wet dreams.

But wait...why are my spider sense tingling? Maybe it's because they are both in a Hollywood production & they tend to screw up things we Asians like.


Just look at the plot, it's about an American teenager obsessed with martial arts cinema, is magically transported to ancient China where he meets three Chinese heroes who help him on his quest to free the Monkey King. Wow...I don't think you can get any cheesier than that!

Look at the trailer too, it's all about the American kid, little of Jet or Jackie wtf



Of course la, back here the trailer look something like this, with lots of action



But Jackie Chan & Jet Li in one movie is pretty hard to resist. So, anybody planning to watch it?