Trapped Inside a Disco

Bush wants you to shut up

The Americans apparently had been employing a new method of torturing detainees being held in Guantanamo & Iraq....by using music.

Extremely loud music played directly into the ears of detainees, designed to induce sleep deprivation, prolong capture shock & disorient detainees during interrogations.

I think this is one of the cruelest form of torture, right there alongside water boarding.

We all knew how music can totally mess up people's minds. After all, we too had our own Guantanamo moments before.

Those orange jumpsuits are as bad as the music

Like the neighbour who insist on sharing his love for heavy metal music with you. Or radio stations that keep on playing the same songs repeatedly throughout the day.

Just how many times can you listen to Soulja Boy in a day before you start contemplating suicide?

The prisoners were subjected to higher degrees of brutality of course. One detainee describes being left in a pitch black booth for up to twelve hours with the heavy metal music blaring.

Imagined the royalties they would have earned

Unsurprisingly, heavy metal and rap are most often featured on the torture playlist. Some of the most common being Metallica's Enter Sandman, Drowning Pool's Bodies, AC/DC's Shoot To Thrill & Eminem's White America.

I think the prisoners will go equally crazy if being forced to listen to Mandopop love songs by Fahrenheit, Twins or F4.

The guards do have a sick sense of humour, like choosing the song Staying Alive for torture when the victim is certainly wishing for otherwise. Blasting prisoners with Britney Spears's music, so that they too suffered like the rest of the world.

Some of the choices are bizarre like the Sesame Street theme song & Barney's I Love You, You Love Me song. I agree with the Barney song though, it traumatises my childhood before.

Let me entertain you with a song, my only song

The irony here is that, America being a country that always positioned itself as the defender of human rights are violating them so blatantly. Nobody should be subjected to such sadistic form of torture....

Nobody, not even that irritating neighbour of mine.

Gambling in the Dark

For many Malaysian Chinese, entering Genting Highland's casino is treated like a symbolic passage into adulthood.

Being able to enter means that you have now reached the age of 21, matured enough to decide who to vote for & how to squander your wealth.

Me and a few friends went to Genting for over long overdue initiation 2 weeks back. Now, when it comes to gambling, the Chinese have a long list of superstitions. You can find some of it here.

Chow Yun Fat doesn't seem to have a problem with dark colours

I was wearing a black T-shirt for the trip, one of my friend (let's called him Superstitious Boy) quickly pointed out that bad brings BAD LUCK. Superstitious Boy was wearing a bright red shirt & God knows what underneath for maximum ONG-ness.

Being a man of science, I brushed aside his comments. I would love to see his expression when I came back down with 2 suitcases full of cash. As if trying to proof a point, I brought along a black jacket too.

I would have 2 of those please

Once inside the casino, we walked around before settling on a table playing Big Small, exchange our cash for chips & observe...

Trying to identify a pattern...Big, Big, Small, Big, Small, Small, Small, Big again, then Small.

Finally, I conclude that there was NONE.

I tried counting cards, problem is they used dice!

So, I sat down & placed my bet. I was inconsistent, winning some losing some. But what really irks me is my friend who was standing behind me.

Whenever he wanted to place his bet on the table, he would leaned forward & put his hand on my shoulder. That's a BIG no-no when it comes to gambling, but I am a man of science remember?

Oh, I think I should also mention that Shoulder Toucher is BALD, just like a MONK!

Soon enough, both me & Shoulder Toucher lost all our chips. Meanwhile, Superstitious Boy was on a roll, his stack of chips keep on multiplying.

That's my exact expression when winning

He was evidently enjoying himself, while me & Shoulder Toucher was reduced to walking around aimlessly & queuing repeatedly for free drinks (might as well get my money's worth!)

At the end of the day, Superstitious Boy exchange his chips for cold hard cash, while I make it a point not to mentioned the 2 suitcases full of money earlier *zipped*

I still have faith in science, but I must admit on that day I got my ass kicked by 5000 years of Chinese superstitions. Final score :


SUPERSTITIONS - 1
SCIENCE - 0

Of Men & Umbrellas

I has been raining heavily in Kuala Lumpur this past few days. As Malaysians, we are all used to this 2 weather conditions : it's either raining cats & dogs or it's hot as hell.

Therefore, owning an umbrella seems logical. It shields you from the sun & also prevents you from getting wet. Unless, you are me that is.

I have a disdain for umbrellas...

You see, I have my own unique way of dealing with what Mother Nature threw at me.

If it's just drizzling, I will RUN. If it's raining slightly heavier, then I will just RUN FASTER. If it's really pouring, then I will wait....and when it's lighter, I will repeat either of the steps above.

I do not want to be known as the Wally with a Brolly

I do not have the habit of bringing an umbrella along with me. It has been that way since as far as I can remember.

I remember owning a raincoat during my schooling days as I insist on the NO umbrella rule. Needless to say, I do not use the raincoat either when it's raining. Only flashers & serial killers use them.

You don't see soldiers scampering away looking for umbrellas when it rains, do you? So, maybe it's a guy thing. Something to do with the Y chromosome I am sure.

There must be an umbrella somewhere inside that bag

Personally, I find umbrellas quite troublesome. It's amazing how nobody has perfected the umbrella even though it has been around since ancient China.

It's flimsy, easily broken & flips upside down during heavy winds.

Bush having trouble with the umbrella. Okay, no surprises here

Some people chose to use those big golfing umbrellas that you can hold a Chinese wedding dinner underneath. I hate those even more.

They are the express buses of the umbrella world, they forced others out of their way by bullying them with their size.

One more thing, how do you enter your car while holding an umbrella anyway? It's a no win situation because you are bound to get wet.

That's why when it rains, I became Forrest Gump. I just keep on running.....

James Bond Never Dies

I have never been a fan of Bond, James Bond. But the last movie, Bond Episode 21 : Casino Royale was good. It was a much darker & grittier movie than expected. Which makes me look forward to watching Bond Episode 22 : Quantum of Solace (see how I make the titles less confusing this way haha)

Continuing from the previous installment, they decided to make this new one even DARKER & GRITTIER with almost zero humour! Now, this makes the Bond purists very unhappy. They want their Pierce Brosnan back!

I am through with you Bond, I am moving to Wisteria Lane!

I am glad they didn't listen though. When your Bond girl turns into a Desperate Housewife & chooses a plumber over you, you know that it's time for a makeover.

A visibly happier Teri Hatcher

Of course, Bond movies being Bond movies, you MUST have these :


Opening Credits

Bond holding a pistol. Check. Bond firing a gun. Check. Bond falling into water. Check. Silhouettes of nude gals. Check. Theme song sung by famous people. Check

I think they get the traditional Bond opening sequence spot on. And I will give them extra credit for managing to put it all off without reminding me of any Stephen Chow spoofs.




Gadgets

This new Bond isn't much of a geek, the only gadget he possessed was a Sony Ericsson hand phone. He very much prefer using his kung fu fighting skills to get out of tricky situations, most of the time he ended up killing his opponent much to the chagrin of M.

As for cars, we get a glimpse of the Aston Martin DBS which was mercilessly destroyed (again) very early on in the film. For a list of all cars featured in the film go here




And Q is still nowhere to be seen...


The Bond Girls

We have got Gemma Arterton & Olga Kurylenko as eye candy this time around. Though Olga is tougher than your average Bond girl, kicking ass together with him just like an Ukrainian Michelle Yeoh.

I love man with big guns : Agent 47, Max Payne now Bond

Bond only beds Artenton in the movie. And thanks to our thoughtful censorship board we have to rely on our power of imagination to guess what happen.

Well, it's only a small price to pay to ensure we do not let dirty Western culture pollute our innocent minds.


Villain

In keeping up with the times, the villain in this episode is a *gasp* freaking ENVIRONMENTALIST who is hell bent on taking over the world....one natural resource at a time!

I will not hesitate in adding melamine in your milk

All his konco-konco drove environmentally friendly hybrid cars. I wouldn't be surprised if he separates his trash or brings his own reusable chopsticks when dining out.

Hardly menacing at all. I bet Bond isn't losing any sleep over this guy.

He didn't even look the part of a Bond villain. What no scars on the face, bullet lodged inside the head or shedding tears of blood?

This is what Bond villains should look like...

For greater results, add mini sidekick

Humour

This movie is dead serious from beginning till end as James Bond was in an unforgiving mood. I miss the humour and witty lines from the British spy.

We don't even get to hear him say 'Bond....James Bond'

All in all, Quantum of Solace is never near as good as Casino Royale. Let's hope they got the next movie right.

If not, then we should really bring back Pierce Brosnan for James Bond : The Musical.

That will really make the purist jump off buildings

What’s In a Product Name?

I came across this interesting post in Neatorama recently about product names & the deception behind it. Product names don't necessarily reflect the truth of the products, here is one example taken from the post


HÄAGEN DAZS


Sounds Like: An imported Scandinavian product.

The Truth: It was created by Ruben Mattus, a Polish immigrant who sold ice cream in New York City, who used what the New York Times called the "Vichyssoise Strategy":

Vichyssoise is a native New Yorker. Created at the Ritz Carlton in 1917, it masqueraded as a French soup and enjoyed enormous success. When Mattus created his ice cream, he used the same tactic ... He was not the first to think Americans would be willing to pay more for a better product. But he was the first to understand that they would be more likely to do so if they thought it was foreign. So he made up a ridiculous, impossible to pronounce name, [and] printed a map of Scandinavia on the carton.

The ice cream was actually made in Teaneck, New Jersey.

The post did a good job pointing out 'clever' product names but such marketing ploys are not unique to America. We do have a few of them in Malaysia as well. Here are some of the names that comes to mind


VINCCI


The name sounds like some high end Italian footwear maker. The shops are plastered with gigantic posters of Caucasians modeling their shoes to complete the illusion that it originates from Europe.

Truth is, Vincci is a Malaysian company under Padini Holdings Berhad. But I don't think that will stop the ladies from flocking to their shops especially during the Raya sales.

Other brand names under it includes Padini, Padini Authentics, PDI, P & Co, Seed and Miki.


1901


The name sounds like an established American hot dog chain with a long history. The design of their stores & pushcarts were reminiscent of hot dog stores from the States. And with a menu that consist of product names such as New York Chicken & Chicago Beef, did little to suggest otherwise.

Truth is, 1901 is a Malaysian company set up by Tengku Rozidar & Ahmad Zakir at the height of the financial crisis. Their approach proved to be very successful spawning 70 outlets by 2007 that many people still mistaking it for a American hot dog chain.


BIG APPLE DONUTS & COFFEE


Mentioned donuts & the first things that comes to mind are Homer Simpson & overweight American cops.


So, when Big Apple Donuts & Coffee opened in Malaysia, it definitely sounds like a chain store from America. The name & logo featuring the iconic Chrysler Building suggest that it originated from New York.

But the truth is, Big Apple Donuts is owned by a Malaysian, Mike Chan who discovered the finer points of making donuts from the United States.


BATA


Bata is a leading footwear manufacturer & marketeer in Malaysia with over 220 stores! Of course, we all knew & loved Bata for their school shoes. I remember fondly the yearly trips to Bata before the school semester begins to purchase new shoes.

Bata shoes are a part of many Malaysians school days. It is also an institution that is uniquely Malaysian right?

No, truth is Bata Shoes is a large, family owned shoe company. It is currently headquartered in Lausanne, Switzerland,. It has retail presence in over 50 countries & production facilities in 26 countries.

Malaysian Deception or Malaysia Boleh? You decide ^~^

PDRM vs CIA vs FBI

Our Malaysian PM, Pak Lah wants to know how good our police force is when compared to the best in the world. So he invites the CIA as well as the FBI to Malaysia for a test. He releases a rabbit into the Taman Negara forest & each of them has to catch it.

The CIA went in first...They place animal informants throughout the the forest. They question all the plants & trees for information. After 3 months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit has slip through the border & fled to Thailand.

The FBI goes in next...After 2 weeks, they have no leads so they burn the whole forest down, killing everything including the rabbit. The rabbit had it coming & as far as they are concerned...job's done.

Finally, our PDRM goes in...They come out 2 hours later with a badly beaten bear with a swollen left eye. The bear is yelling : "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"


Taken & modified from Accountants Today

I Miss England

With the 2nd round of matches just completed, Euro 2008 has proven to be an enjoyable ride so far. Nice attacking football, great atmosphere in the stadiums, lots of great goals, Greece got eliminated...so far so good, eh?

But somehow, I felt there is something lacking, I hate to admit it but......I think I miss England. I am not a fan of them, no never! Yet I must admit that the English media as well as their supporters adds color to any tournament.

I miss how the English press always exaggerate their chances of winning a tournament even though they haven't exactly won anything in recent memory.

I miss how the ridiculously optimistic English supporters always believe the hype generated by the media, full of praise even though they played like headless chickens.

I miss how the mamak stall near my place will be so full of England fans even though watching them play is like hearing Posh Spice sing, pure torture.

I miss reading about the amount of money spent by the WAGS during their latest shopping spree.

I miss how the English team is always blessed with the 'World's Best Centre Back : Terry', 'World's Best Midfielder : Lampard/Gerrard', 'World's Best Striker : Rooney', 'World's Best Left Back : Ashley Cole', 'World's Best Freekick Taker : Beckham' ...they have the world's best in every position! Yet Russia & Croatia managed to qualify ahead of them ^~^

I miss seeing how they got knock out by another penalty shoot-out.

Finally, I will miss the silly excuses they use to comfort themselves when they got kicked out of a tournament & the hunt for a scapegoat to take the blame.

Yeah, I miss England. Euro 2008 certainly feels a little bit empty without you guys hehe

To those England fans out there, please do not be upset. There is still the World Cup in 2010 & England had a good chance of winning it.....if they managed to qualify that is *wink*

Thanks For The Hike

Firstly, I would like to thank Pak Lah & the BN government for the news that with immediate effect the prices of petrol will increase to RM2.70. SYABAS!!

With one smart move, we solve so many problems.

Finally, we can solve the traffic jams in the city because people will be using our very efficient public transport to commute now. It's always the poor people with their Kancils & Savvys that are clogging our roads. So now by hiking the price of fuel those peasants won't be able to afford to drive them anymore hahaha

There has been a lot of cases of people getting rob by Mat Rempits at petrol station too you know. By raising the fuel price, the government is actually making the petrol station a safer & more secure place. Nobody can afford to even pump petrol nowadays hahaha So take that you stupid Mat Rempits! I bet you never saw that coming, don't you?!

Huh? What do you mean crime rate is going to rise instead because people are finding it hard to make ends meet? That's not true! I dunno, I haven't seen the report on this.

The government also keep telling us that the subsidy is burdensome for a very long time, so it's time we remove it. Oil prices are rising worldwide you know. Like today I read in the newspaper that India is raising their fuel prices too. We need to follow suit cause it is a worldwide phenomena. Never mind the fact that India imports 70% of their fuel while we are a net exporter of oil lah.

Who cares if Petronas is enjoying record high profits due to the rising price of oil per barrel. Our petrol price is still the CHEAPER than Thailand & Singapore.

Oh, just don't look at the table below...

Although we are an oil exporter & we get crazy profits, why should we use those money to subsidize fuel to help the rakyat? Isn't it wiser to invest those billions for the future, for our anak cucu like what our 2nd Finance Minister told us here.

We are talking about billions here okay. With the available funds, we can finally send another heroic Malaysian up into space to continue our ground breaking research at the ISS - how to tarik teh in zero gravity. Or we can use it to buy more submarines, more Sukhois.

We are sacrificing for our future generations here, how noble.

Also, those Singaporeans & Thais are sucking us dry. They came here & pump their cars full of our subsidized petrol. Since we can't think of an effective way to stop it, we might as well raise the fuel price to almost the same as in their country haha Serve them right! Now pump lah pump lah! You won't get to enjoy OUR subsidies anymore ROTLMAO

TAHNIAH again! *clap clap clap*

Google Googled Me

I has been a while since I last updated my blog due very much to my final exams. But busy as I may, I always try to keep an eye on my (low) traffic volume. And with Sitemeter, I can get some pretty detailed info of the few visitors that bothered.

While going through the list one day, I was surprised to find this

A visit by Google.com from their headquarters in Mountain View! Now I do not know how that happened but I do have a message for them.

Hey, people of Google, if you are reading this & are somehow looking for a mechanical engineer. HIRE ME!! I will be available in 2 years time

I am sure I will be able to fit in at Googleplex just fine. After all, they are known to pamper their employees like....

Providing free food whole day long so you can stuff yourself silly whenever you feel like it. And it's not just free nasi lemak or bihun goreng. Employees have 11 gourmet cafeterias to choose from plus snack rooms stocked full of candy, nuts, cereals, sodas etc etc.


They provide free shuttle bus services to fetch you to work. And if you insist on driving, you can still enjoy the free car wash & oil change. Did I mentioned all those were FREE?


Also, free haircuts


You can even do your laundry, have a massage, or attend language classes at work. Yup, detergents are provided free of charge.


In Google, working out at the office doesn't mean doing light stretching in your puny cubicle because they have an entire Bukit Jalil there.

You can swim

Or play some pool

Or do some real workouts

Or if you fancy something more extreme, rock climbing

And of course, play beach volleyball too

With so much distractions, I wonder how any 'real' work gets done. But I guess I can lived with that ^~^

Remember Futurama?

Remember Futurama? The sci-fi cartoon featuring a 20th century delivery boy, a wise cracking robot plus a female alien set in the year 3000?


I remembered watching it religiously back in secondary school on TV3, but to my utter dismay, it was discontinued after a few seasons. Luckily for me, I managed to obtained all 5 seasons of it from my roomie recently & had been watching it all over again, missing classes & neglecting homework in the process *evil laugh*

Since it was created by the erm, creators of The Simpsons, the show is filled with references to pop culture, parodies & spoofs that will make you laugh your pants off.

The series begins when a pizza delivery boy, Fry was accidentally frozen & transported 1000 years into the future. There, he met Bender, a foul-mouthed, pessimistic, beer drinking robot & Leela, a one-eyed female alien. The three were later hired by Planet Express, an interplanetary delivery company & hilarity ensues as we followed their (mis)adventures.


In the year 3000 depicted in the show, humans coexist with robots and aliens from planets with funny names such as Amphibios 9, My Three Suns, Virgon 6 etc. There has been a huge advancement in technology & robots can be found doing all sorts of jobs (Bender was originally built to bend girders) Just like humans, you have male & female robots, even transsexuals!!


The characters live in New New York city, a city build over the ruins of Old New York city. Only two languages were left in the universe, English & Alien (French were long dead). People traveled using transportation tubes. And more amusingly, they have something called suicide booths, a place where you can end your life for just 25 cents (Hmm....whatever happen to good old wrist cutting?)


Yet, something never changes, the main source of entertainment is still television. The most popular star being the robot actor, Calculon. Internet still exists but it is very slow & largely made up of porn, pop-up adds & filthy chat rooms (not a far departure from its present state huh?)

The most funniest part of the show has to be the dialogs. The show is filled with witty one liners & clever quotes that comes in handy when you want to insult your friends.

Here are some of the classics :
'Bite my shiny metal ass'
'Oh.Your.God'
'Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder'
'Would you kindly shut your noise-hole'
'People say I am dumb, but I proved them'
'Hey, let's go car shopping! My parents said that if I got all B's they'd buy me a bar. And I got all C's!'
'But existing is basically what I do'
'I hate the people that love me and they hate me'


Now, excuse me while I go & finish the remainder of the series : )